Warning: A Roadblock To Success:
The 'Over-Zealous' Parent
It's time to address an issue of how a small number of
well-meaning parents can be unwittingly preventing their child from achieving
future swimming success.
This unusual brand
of the 'over-zealous' parent gets overly-involved and pre-occupied by their
child's performances, mentally 'pushing' them to do better, and even worse,
telling them that their performance 'was not good enough'. This is a highly
damaging approach which hugely increases the already-considerable pressures a
young competitive swimmer must face. This pressure eventually forces most of
these unfortunate swimmers to give up swimming altogether (often around 13-16
years old), simply to escape from the pressure they receive from their
well-meaning but overbearing parent(s).
This attitude is not restricted to parents, of course,
and yes, there are also some coaches who are just as guilty of this same
attitude and approach. I found this tip generally to be a popular one, however I believe that
the few people it 'bothered' the most were the very people who probably need to
know this!
Of course, these parents I am referring to are NOT your 'everyday' parents I
am talking about - these are the ones who give their child instructions
before they go out for every race, put them through the 'third degree' when they
put in a bad performance, sometimes even argue with officials or coaches at
meets, and will often continue the 'lecture' for their child when at home. This
attitude gradually deteriorates their parent/child relationship, as the parent
becomes more of a 'manager' than a true parent.
When a parent's support becomes conditional upon the child winning races,
the relationship can become quite different, and this is when it becomes time
for the parent to step back.
It is very sad to see a swimmer who has had a bad race walk off so they do
not have to speak to their parents for half an hour because they know they
will receive an 'earful' of lectures and abuse.
A supportive parent admitted that it's easy to fall into the trap of
beginning to 'push' for your own child to make sure they don't get left behind.
However, there are some warning signs to watch for, as often the child of an
over-zealous parent can become unpopular among the other squad members (for
bragging or using intimidation) -and these other squad members sometimes band
together to ensure they finish ahead of this swimmer in training and meets. This
is when the child may begin to mysteriously get injured or sick, preventing them
from regular training and meets - but really it is simply a way of escaping the
training (which they are no longer enjoying), and seeing swimmers who they are
no longer popular with.
There are 3 essential keys to swimming success. The swimmer must:
1.
love swimming
passionately (of their own accord)
2.
be self-motivated
to train hard
3.
have
unconditional support, and be praised for their achievements
This subject does NOT target the vast majority of parents, because
for every one 'over-zealous' parent there are probably 20 or more well-adjusted,
reasonable parents who allow their children to swim as they wish and who support
them 'unconditionally' whether they win or lose (which of course is a major
requirement of a child). These parents are always sympathetic, positive,
supportive and most of all consistent in all swimming situations with their
child.
One of these (many) supportive parents is a subscriber to this mailing list
and she says to her child:
"This is YOUR thing and your goal - I can try to help
you in some ways by being there for you, but whatever you do has to come from
within."
This is a positive and supportive statement which is just
what the child needs to hear.
There are only a small number of parents who fit into the 'over-zealous'
category I am talking about, however these are the ones who tend to create the
most attention and make the most demands when at a meet attended by their child.
It
seems that in some way these people live out their own 'unfulfilled dreams'
through their child's swimming - and this is a very sad situation, because
in the end, the child is swimming for their parent instead of for themselves.
Swimming must ALWAYS be done for oneself.
What can a child do if they have an over-zealous parent? While they are young,
there is very little they can do, however once they move into their teens they
sometimes choose to give swimming away altogether, or even take the major step
of 'banning' an overzealous parent from meets. This way they feel they can then
focus on their swimming without any additional pressures being put upon them.
The key to success for a swimmer is not through being pushed up the ladder by
others - it is being a self-starter who loves what they are doing, and
who'll do whatever it takes to succeed. The role of the parent is provide
unconditional support and whilst giving them their space and freedom to enjoy
their sportt. By allowing the swimmer to develop their own individual fighting
spirit, they will reach greater heights than ever imagined, and have heaps more
fun doing it.
The
Mind controls the body, and the mind is unlimited.
The best of success, Craig Townsend